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For a change, I want to...

People always talk about the things they want to achieve during the beginning of every year. I shall do the same, EXCEPT I shall talk about the TWISTED and technically UNACHIEVABLE things I want to accomplish, LOL.

1. I want to be a demi-god.

Particularly, one borne out of a lesbian relationship between Athena and Aphrodite. (Yes, you read that correctly.) Please note that we talk of the impossible here, ok peeps? I’m leaning a little more towards the Athena side though; simply because of my avid appreciation for smart chicks with battle scars.

(Okay, so I just re-read the last two sentences and before I come off sounding any more lesbian than I already do, I’ll move on to the next item.)

Athenian EPIC FAIL. LOL.

2. I want to fly.

You guys have NO IDEA how much I want to fly. Like, literally defy gravity—with my game face on, jumping off the ground, soaring into the sky, and distracting the shit out of the pilot of the lucky plane passing by. Every time I’m in the movie theaters watching a Marvel flick, the five-year old in me always takes over when I see some superhero float or try to beat the shit out of “the bad guy” mid-air. *Cue rock music for some heart-palpitating action*

3. I want to be Samantha Jones.

So I’m liberated, and most people don’t believe I’m as Asian as I claim to be. I’d hate to admit it, but I do have a big conservative side of me still. As jaded as I am with men and relationships, I don’t jump into the sack with the opposite sex on the first date and I most certainly do not collect men just cause... So why do I want to be a Samantha Jones? *shrug* In a conservative society where women are unfairly perceived as whores when they sleep around, (as crazy as it may sound, and as ironic as this statement may turn out) – I find it liberating and refreshing when women try swimming against the current for a change. *Gets middle finger ready for chauvinists*

The OTHER ugly truth.

4. I want to be the star of a horror film.

Yes, I could be the one to die at the first scene because instead of running out the door like the normal person on survival-mode; I decide to run a couple of laps around the living room coffee table in skimpy PJ’s for the male audience’s viewing pleasure, screaming my ass off like it would save my life... NOT!
Real reason: I’m the biggest chicken. For some absurd reason, I am forever psychologically incapacitated to watch horror films. I have my beyond-hyper imagination to thank for this; because even if it’s a movie as pathetic as Zombie Strippers, I still have to sleep with the lights on. (And simply because the "fugly face" of that one zombie is keeping me from passing out.) So I firmly believe I've had more than enough practice to act scared shitless for any horror film.

5. I want to heal broken hearts in an instant.

Yes, it completely defeats the real purpose of heartbreak, but whatever – it’s the most painful thing in the world. As much as I agree that time should do all the healing, I ask this: “How many times should a heart break to learn all of love’s greatest lessons?” I don’t know about you, but I’ve had more than enough to make me think twice beyond my age. (*points* HE STARTED IT! LOL.)

6. I want to marry Gu-Jun-Pyo.

Because I love Asian men like that. LOL. This is strictly for superficial purposes. I’m tired of enumerating all the qualities I want in an ideal man. So let’s just stick with the basics: looks, height, and the possibility of having damn good-looking offspring. LOL.

My happily-ever-after looking prettier than I do.

7. I want to be Francesca Bruni.

Francesca Bruni, in my opinion, is one of the "most awesomest" women in the history! For making Casanova change his philandering ways through her general kick-assery: wits, guts, command, and sword-fighting skills. She never settles for mediocrity and fights for everything she believes in... (My alter-ego obvious much?) Someone PLEASE tell me she's non-fictional!!!

"Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me I would love him alone and forever." -F.B.

One of my favorite scenes, Casanova discovers the duel is with a woman.

8. I want to play Russian roulette AND... I repeat, AND survive!

LAME!!! All my friends are sick of me saying this, but I’d really like to play Russian Roulette… (AND survive!) Doh! Stupid, I know. VERY. LOL. Hopefully, I won’t be wincing too much or pissing my pants, as to leave a good-looking corpse. If I do survive... PARTY AT MY PLACE! Every one will be required to shake their badonkadonks like there's no tomorrow! Oh, and every one gets to take home a loot bag of bullet candies. BOO-YAH!

9. I want to wake up in the morning looking so damn good, I wouldn’t need a mirror in my room or bathroom anymore.

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. You wish you could jump in and out of the shower military style, throw on your clothes, brush your teeth and run off to work with a bagel in your mouth, hair dripping on your clothes, making it look like you’re lactating. It doesn’t work that way: unless you’re male. We have routines. Pluck here. Shave there. Paint this. Dab this on. Spray that. Next thing you know, a good 1 hour worth of time is wasted trying to pretty yourself up. Don’t you just wish you could wake up with that alluring morning look already and not have to change your entire face? *pouts lips like Angelina Jolie*

Women drivers... NOT! LOL.

10. I want to have my own background music when I go places.

So that "the party won't stop till I walk in!" *puts on P Diddy shades and strikes a pose* LOL. I want to be able to dance anywhere and everywhere without having people give a damn. There's just something about my body and its reaction to good music. I can NOT go anywhere without my i-pod. I'd friggin' marry it if it were a person. LOL. This time around, I'd like to lose the earphones and bob my head/sing/dance/shake it to music that every body else can hear... as to minimize the 'WTF' looks. LOL.

Don't disturb. I'm having my "moment". :P

Hey, a girl can dream!

The other twisted thoughts I shall reserve for another entry.

**If you know me well enough to know how far I’d take any of these items seriously, you get a free cookie from me. Viva thinking out of the box!**

Hit Me With Your Best Line

Is it so much to ask for someone to talk sense when they want to “get to know” you?

Seriously. Neurons are there for a reason, people. And it’s not just to beat The Tank twice on another round of that Left For Dead game, or for memorizing porn hotlines to call when everyone else is asleep.

There’s just got to be a better line than “Madalas ka dito?” (You come here often?) at the local bar. There are over a thousand words and expressions in the English/Tagalog language. As weird as it may sound, I’d rather hear “I took a piss in a beer bottle once” (while pointing at my bottle even!) than the typical “What will the lady have tonight?” line. It’s no better than the virtual “a/s/l?” - (Thank Gawhd for the escape button!)

Why? Because substantial-slash-funny men who know how to win their way through conversations will always be sexier than shit-faced jocks who know no more than to fix their gelled hair with every chance they get (a.k.a pass by their own reflection.) At least, in my book.

Idealistic? Maybe.
And yes, I'm aware of the fact that I'm not the smartest person alive to be demanding so much.

I’d just hate to think that it only happens in movies when some random male specie wins the female by witty repartee. Pandas rub their asses as high as they can on trees to get laid; and all humans need to do is take breath mint and talk sense.

But then again, that's just me. So yeah, I agree! The weather is nice. LOL.
Optimistically Disenchanted | TNB