Subscribe News Feed Subscribe Comments


"I am jaded."

Or so I thought.

Till the guy I was dating one Saturday afternoon asked me if I ever had an abortion.

I swear the beer almost shot out of my nose when he asked me that.
*mental scream: Dude! What the fuck?! What type of women have YOU been dating?!*
He was surprised with my bold statement, as I was surprised with his bolder question.

So there I sat, flabbergasted. My face was synonymous to that of a fish caught on a hook. “Okay mister, I’m not that hardcore. Nor will I ever be.”

Mr. Yes-There-Is-Such-Thing-As-A-Stupid-Question laughed at my reaction, placed a hand on my knee and started asking why I thought of myself that way.

I answered with a shrug, and he just gave me the look a father would give his 7-year old daughter for wearing red lipstick and fishnet stockings.

My ears started tuning out his words subconsciously as my thought process shifted from “My drink needs more ice” to the question: “Am I really emotionally worn-out?”

Nothing surprises me anymore. There are too many ironies in life, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Alanis Morissette shiz like “You meet the man of your dreams and he introduces you to his wife” or some ka-ek-ekan like that…

Having come from a series of different relationships, all different in color and all leaving me somewhat scarred in their own ways; I’ve come to realize certain things: Men cheat left and right. Men are after only one thing. Philandering men are macho, while "curious" women are perceived as whores. Be fragile with the male ego or the Playboy subscription number replaces yours. Marriage is “relatively” over by the second year. The cynical list goes on and on; and having tons of male friends while living in an Asian country didn't really help much.

God knows how much I wish I didn’t think this way. Those who have known me for years will understand the shit I’ve been through. Many people will easily point out that I’ve just been dating the wrong men. Pfft! Whatever. All I know is, I can’t help but think the way I do. That light coming from the end of a tunnel's actually a train, people.

So as a defense mechanism, *insert muscle flexing action* I’ve developed the habit of blocking out optimistic thoughts with anticipation for the worst. “He’s cute!” (…and has a psycho-ex’s number on his caller I.D.), “He’s smart! (…and will be an ass when you try to give him directions when you two get lost), “He’s sweet! (...and we both know it’s only going to last till the third month.)

I always made room for doubt, even when the moment spent with another person seemed almost perfect. (Yes, there are some awesome guys who manage to slip under the radar!) Generally, I could be in the middle of getting swept off my feet – (a.k.a. witty repartee with a funny guy sitting across from me) – and I would be thinking of every single stupid reason why it wouldn’t work out between us. (*gasp* He doesn’t own a pink shirt?!)

Yes. It sucks.
I suck.
I will be modest enough to admit that.

But until I find a compelling reason to make me believe otherwise, I’ll keep my shades on and laugh along with life’s ironies...

10 Commandments of Dating - Elly Style

ad**Just because I did my "research" and had my "slice." LOL.

1. Don’t be late.

Unfortunately, this thing we call “Filipino Time” has become a norm; but that should not give us an excuse to arrive an hour late and say traffic was heavy. (Besides, things like that need not be said anymore.) It is respectful to show up on time, and if you will be late—give your date a heads up by either calling or texting.

2. Be presentable.

It doesn’t stop with cologne, people. You may smell like some eau de toilette factory, but if you have morning glory dangling from your corner-most eyelash, we still notice.

Wear something appropriate also. Miss -- if you want him to fall in love with your deep, meaningful eyes; cover your twins with this wonderful thing called fabric. And you, mister -- if you want to eventually meet her twins, master the art of flossing.

First impressions last
. Don’t be the date that made the other look for the nearest fire escape.

3. Do not talk about your exes.

Leave that to the third date. It doesn’t matter if your ex just broke up with you just the other day, or if he has a striking resemblance with your date, or if you're so damn proud she keeps winning the annual Mardi Gras wet T-shirt contest.

Talking about people in the past will only make your date think you still have issues, or that you haven’t completely moved on. The focus should be on your date alone. Talk about your interests, likes, dislikes, and…well, if you must, the weather.

4. Be yourself.

Do not pretend to know what “World of Warcraft” is if you don’t. Do not pretend to like Taylor Swift just because your date thinks (with all passion and conviction) that Kanye is an ass.

There is nothing better than being accepted for who you are, your thoughts and your beliefs. Know however, that there is a fine line between being yourself and being sensitive to your date at the same time. Being yourself doesn’t mean you should burp in your date’s face five times after dinner; nor does it mean you should start reaching for that toothpick to start picking away on that rubbery piece of beef caught between your two front teeth, while he spouts poetry about your eyes.

(You can limit yourself to burping/tooth-picking only once though. A keeper will laugh along or let it slip.)

5. Don’t be the TMI date.

Your date does not need to know that your dog has digestion problems, that cancer is hereditary in your family or that you have this ritual of staring at your clogged pores in the magnifying mirror every night. You can’t be too sure bits of information like that won’t make your date comfortable. (You think?)

Plus, it’s always nice to leave a little room for mystery. Keep your date guessing about you. (And it doesn’t mean answering all his questions with a big, fat, Tagalog-accented “SECRET!”) Just don’t say everything about yourself from A-Z.

6. (For the men) It actually pays to be a gentleman.

Cut the 21st century bullshit, and open the car door for her. After taking her home, wait a good 90 seconds till she safely makes it inside her house. These are the simple gestures that make women want to keep you in their phone-books. Though there can be quite a few feminists who prefer to go all indie (i.e. opening the door herself, offering to pay for everything, and driving herself to and from the date venue), still you must never underestimate the power of being a gentleman.

7. (For the women) Offer to pay.

General Rule: He invited me so he pays.


It is already enough that men have most of the “burden” when it comes to dating. (i.e. picking you up, choosing the place, buying the tickets, paying for the meal, letting Adam Lambert play on his stereo for you, etc.) Well, at least… typically.

So don’t just sit pretty there, or zoom for the restroom like you need it when the waiter brings the tab over. Make use of that tinyass purse of yours and offer to foot the bill. So what if you know he’ll still insist on paying for it anyway. (Yep. Male Pride—a whole ‘nother topic.) But it’s a kind gesture that tells him “You’ve been great. Now sit back, ‘cause I got this.” Mmm… Sexy, yes?

8. Compliment.

Never assume your date knows how good he/she looks. Take time to compliment—and do it genuinely. If you think his spiked do is awesome, tell him. If you think her dress looks great, say so. (Just don’t specify on brands, unless you want her to run.)

John: Wow. You look great!
Jane: Thanks. *bats eyelashes*
John: OMG. Don’t tell me you’re wearing Mac’s summer 2009 Bronze Sunset eyeshadow!
That’s sooo fierce!

*cricket cricket*

9. Say you had a great time only if you really did; and say you’ll call only if you really will.

This is mainly for the purpose of not leading your date on.

Scenarios: He wants to ask you out again, but you’re done dating “losers”. She’s desperately waiting by the phone, but you don’t like calling “clingy” women.

It happens.

So spare a hopeful date the disappointment if you didn’t really have a blast. So again, be honest and say you had a great time only if you really did, and say you’ll call only if you will.

10. For the love of God, at least get past the first date without taking your clothes off.

‘Nuff said.

Optimistically Disenchanted | TNB