My Walking Checklist

Off the top of my head, my Perfect Guy would have the following traits:

*cue cheesy Classical music*

1. He loves dogs.

Shit... Literally.

2. He does not mind me studying for my classes on date night.

So... um... this place is nice... right? *cricket! cricket!*

3. He puts the toilet seat up.

*Yawn*

4. He sees past my acne and gaining weight before PMS days.

Awww...

5. He is an awesome dancer. 

'Cause you know what they say about dancers. *smirk*

6. He takes care of me when I get drunk.

Baby, ever think about cutting back on rice?

7. He automatically orders Coke Original for me when we eat out.

*Buuuurp!* Your turn!

8. He holds my hand in front of his friends and proudly calls me his.
 

So... who was the other chick yesterday, man?

9. He lets my girl friends interrogate him just for shits and giggles.

Cheat on her and we'll castrate you. Understood?

10. He would hug me if I fail in school and tell me it’s the school’s loss.

Awww...

11. He has his own life-slash-job.

Now off to fry patties!

12. He doesn't get unreasonably jealous.

He said "I love you" 'cause he's my DAD!

13. He doesn't mind seeing me in jeans every time we go out.

Awww...

14. He sings at the top of his lungs with me to songs on the radio.

"She wears short skirts! I wear T-shirts!

She's cheer-captain and I'm on the bleachers!"

15. He is incredibly smart and funny. In a witty, sexy kind of way.

"Get it? The chicken crossed the road

‘cause she wanted to LAY IT ON THE LINE! Too funny!”

16. He texts me at least once, even if it was Boys Night Out.

Just having coffee with the boys, baby. XOXO

17. He doesn't mind listening to my weird spiels and randomness attacks.

"So I was thinking... Why don't we come up with cotton candy-flavored potato chips?"

18. He is presentable… … *cough!* good-looking! *cough*

"Yes, I'm Marc Nelson... and where have you been all my life, Elly?

Besides staring at my half-naked poster in your bedroom for the past six years?"

19. He is loyal to only me.

"Baby, I'm so loyal to you I no longer look at other girls' moms."

20. He is my best-est friend in the entire world and knows me from the tip of my hair strand to the deepest part of my soul.

"Honey... you sooo farted, didn't you?"

BUT—!

*Stop cheesy music*

This is reality, and I can never have that one perfect guy. Four words: He does not exist. Actively dating has shown me that with every average male person I meet; only 6-10 of all traits can be checked on my list. (Not that I keep track... *guilty laugh*)

Seriously, who would want a girlfriend studying on date-and-hopefully-mind-bl

owing-sex-later night? What guy would sit through a grilling session with his girlfriend’s posse? What guy wouldn’t want to see his girlfriend sport a mini-skirt? And what guy would want to text his girlfriend while Candy Candice shook her surgically-altered D-cupped boobs in his face?

(And by the way, that’s bullshit if you don’t have a checklist!) It may not be as concrete and specific as the one provided above but somehow, all of us have drawn our own standards for considering potential partners. Like my friend Jom who just needs a girl with two tits and soft lips… *wink*

And no wonder why many people have been single for too long.

Checklists should only be a guide for choosing partners. It’s unrealistic to have to base our choices on qualifications, especially if they’re too specific. Sometimes, all you have to settle for is someone who makes you happy – regardless of where he came from, what he does for a living, or what his plans are in the future. There will be so much more meaning and depth to come across someone so imperfect, yet all of a sudden so faultless because of how awesome he makes you feel.

He’s atheist, but he makes you laugh like no one else can. He hates pets, but he fireman carries you and takes you home when you get pissed-drunk. He doesn’t know what to do with his life, but he makes an effort to get along with your parents. He’s 20 pounds too heavy, but he makes the meanest smoked barbeque ribs. He’s an ex-convict who got arrested for burglary, but he showers you with the most expensive jewelry. (Who would've thought, right? LOL. C’mon.)

So before the opportunity of finding Mr. Right slips away, take Mr. Perfect out of the damn way and give your number to the next ridiculously imperfect guy that passes by…

** (Jejemons are the exceptions to the rule, by the way. It’s perfectly okay to stay away from those.)