Just My Imagination

It is another sleepless Saturday evening, and the monotonous ticking of the clock didn’t need to remind me of this. Tonight’s choice of music was that of Nat King Cole’s greatest hits. The last song on the play-list began to play; and the familiar tune made the corners of my lips curl in delight. There in my room sat a young dreamer, yet an oldie at heart.

I closed my eyes as his hauntingly beautiful voice sent me off to a completely different dimension…

“The very thought of you,
And I forget to do…
The little ordinary things,
That everyone ought to do…

I’m living in a kind of daydream,
I’m happy as a king.
And foolish though it may seem,
To me that’s everything…”

My almost-always active imagination leads me to sitting at the corner of a downtown bar with a cocktail glass in hand, way back in the year 1947. I smile at my vintage taste. My eyes fix on a handsome, young couple making their way from the jukebox to the middle of the empty dance floor.

The man is suited in a crisp navy uniform; his flat cap left resting on the bar beside two consumed drinks. His stance is carried by the natural commanding presence of a naval officer. The woman beside him beams in her classic and timeless beauty—moving in her dress with confident yet trusting elegance; the swaying locks of her dark hair framing her face perfectly.

Holding her hand, he guides her to the center of the floor and pulls her towards him with the flick of his wrist. A comfortable silence falls between the both of them as they come face-to-face.

They are a pair. And one does not need to take a second look to know that they are completely, undoubtedly, and utterly… in-love.

He leads her steps with such gentle yet supporting strength as they began to dance around the tiled floor. I watch meticulously from the distance as he handles her with gentle might—as if afraid to break her.

“The mere idea of you,
The longing here for you…
You’ll never know how slow the moments go,
Till I’m near to you…

I see your face in every flower,
Your eyes and stars above.
It’s just the thought of you, the very thought of you…
My love…”

I light my first cigarette and look around the place. The waitress flips the sign from “Open” to “Closed” by the entrance. Door chimes sound at the exit of the few remaining customers; leaving me as the lone spectator to the happenings around me.

Fixing my attention back to the couple, I find them lost in each other’s eyes. I surprise myself with the inability to gag at the scene before me. I take another drag off my cigarette.

A lighthearted chuckle slips from the lady’s red lips as the man spins her around and dips her. It was so playful, so sweet, yet so innocent at the same time. Upon recovery, both her hands immediately find themselves around his shoulders, and they are back to looking into each other’s eyes as if nothing else seemed more important than being there with each other at that very moment. Placing his mouth closer to her cheek, he begins to sing the rest of the song softly into her ears…

“The mere idea of you,
The longing here for you…
You’ll never know how slow the moments go,
Till I’m near to you…

I see your face in every flower,
Your eyes and stars above.
It’s just the thought of you, the very thought of you…
My love…”

And with the fading sound of the string orchestra ending the song, the handsome couple began to slowly disappear before me. It was the perfect finality—an image of them lost in their love and euphoria as they both vanished into the darkness.

I open my eyes and find myself back in my dark room. The music that has left me is now replaced with the soft buzzing of the air-conditioner. The bar’s tiled dance floor is now the hardwood flooring beneath my feet. I am partly coated by the yellow light streaming steadily from the lamp positioned above my bed.

There it was, staring back at me.

I tried to ignore it. But once again tonight, just like on every other night -- it didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

It was the cold, harsh, reality that I could not fake happiness in choosing to be alone. The inescapable fear stared back at me when my imagination stopped playing along to the hidden wants of my heart. They had been carefully tucked away to protect me, and it was in playing the music and feeling the lyrics that I had inadvertently discovered my need to be held… to be wanted… to be needed… to be loved...

It was with the acceptance that I had no one to dance with that I forced myself to sleep.

For a change, I want to...

People always talk about the things they want to achieve during the beginning of every year. I shall do the same, EXCEPT I shall talk about the TWISTED and technically UNACHIEVABLE things I want to accomplish, LOL.

1. I want to be a demi-god.

Particularly, one borne out of a lesbian relationship between Athena and Aphrodite. (Yes, you read that correctly.) Please note that we talk of the impossible here, ok peeps? I’m leaning a little more towards the Athena side though; simply because of my avid appreciation for smart chicks with battle scars.

(Okay, so I just re-read the last two sentences and before I come off sounding any more lesbian than I already do, I’ll move on to the next item.)

Athenian EPIC FAIL. LOL.

2. I want to fly.

You guys have NO IDEA how much I want to fly. Like, literally defy gravity—with my game face on, jumping off the ground, soaring into the sky, and distracting the shit out of the pilot of the lucky plane passing by. Every time I’m in the movie theaters watching a Marvel flick, the five-year old in me always takes over when I see some superhero float or try to beat the shit out of “the bad guy” mid-air. *Cue rock music for some heart-palpitating action*

3. I want to be Samantha Jones.

So I’m liberated, and most people don’t believe I’m as Asian as I claim to be. I’d hate to admit it, but I do have a big conservative side of me still. As jaded as I am with men and relationships, I don’t jump into the sack with the opposite sex on the first date and I most certainly do not collect men just cause... So why do I want to be a Samantha Jones? *shrug* In a conservative society where women are unfairly perceived as whores when they sleep around, (as crazy as it may sound, and as ironic as this statement may turn out) – I find it liberating and refreshing when women try swimming against the current for a change. *Gets middle finger ready for chauvinists*

The OTHER ugly truth.

4. I want to be the star of a horror film.

Yes, I could be the one to die at the first scene because instead of running out the door like the normal person on survival-mode; I decide to run a couple of laps around the living room coffee table in skimpy PJ’s for the male audience’s viewing pleasure, screaming my ass off like it would save my life... NOT!
Real reason: I’m the biggest chicken. For some absurd reason, I am forever psychologically incapacitated to watch horror films. I have my beyond-hyper imagination to thank for this; because even if it’s a movie as pathetic as Zombie Strippers, I still have to sleep with the lights on. (And simply because the "fugly face" of that one zombie is keeping me from passing out.) So I firmly believe I've had more than enough practice to act scared shitless for any horror film.

5. I want to heal broken hearts in an instant.

Yes, it completely defeats the real purpose of heartbreak, but whatever – it’s the most painful thing in the world. As much as I agree that time should do all the healing, I ask this: “How many times should a heart break to learn all of love’s greatest lessons?” I don’t know about you, but I’ve had more than enough to make me think twice beyond my age. (*points* HE STARTED IT! LOL.)


6. I want to marry Gu-Jun-Pyo.

Because I love Asian men like that. LOL. This is strictly for superficial purposes. I’m tired of enumerating all the qualities I want in an ideal man. So let’s just stick with the basics: looks, height, and the possibility of having damn good-looking offspring. LOL.

My happily-ever-after looking prettier than I do.

7. I want to be Francesca Bruni.

Francesca Bruni, in my opinion, is one of the "most awesomest" women in the history! For making Casanova change his philandering ways through her general kick-assery: wits, guts, command, and sword-fighting skills. She never settles for mediocrity and fights for everything she believes in... (My alter-ego obvious much?) Someone PLEASE tell me she's non-fictional!!!

"Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me I would love him alone and forever." -F.B.

One of my favorite scenes, Casanova discovers the duel is with a woman.

8. I want to play Russian roulette AND... I repeat, AND survive!

LAME!!! All my friends are sick of me saying this, but I’d really like to play Russian Roulette… (AND survive!) Doh! Stupid, I know. VERY. LOL. Hopefully, I won’t be wincing too much or pissing my pants, as to leave a good-looking corpse. If I do survive... PARTY AT MY PLACE! Every one will be required to shake their badonkadonks like there's no tomorrow! Oh, and every one gets to take home a loot bag of bullet candies. BOO-YAH!


9. I want to wake up in the morning looking so damn good, I wouldn’t need a mirror in my room or bathroom anymore.

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. You wish you could jump in and out of the shower military style, throw on your clothes, brush your teeth and run off to work with a bagel in your mouth, hair dripping on your clothes, making it look like you’re lactating. It doesn’t work that way: unless you’re male. We have routines. Pluck here. Shave there. Paint this. Dab this on. Spray that. Next thing you know, a good 1 hour worth of time is wasted trying to pretty yourself up. Don’t you just wish you could wake up with that alluring morning look already and not have to change your entire face? *pouts lips like Angelina Jolie*

Women drivers... NOT! LOL.

10. I want to have my own background music when I go places.

So that "the party won't stop till I walk in!" *puts on P Diddy shades and strikes a pose* LOL. I want to be able to dance anywhere and everywhere without having people give a damn. There's just something about my body and its reaction to good music. I can NOT go anywhere without my i-pod. I'd friggin' marry it if it were a person. LOL. This time around, I'd like to lose the earphones and bob my head/sing/dance/shake it to music that every body else can hear... as to minimize the 'WTF' looks. LOL.

Don't disturb. I'm having my "moment". :P

Hey, a girl can dream!

The other twisted thoughts I shall reserve for another entry.

**If you know me well enough to know how far I’d take any of these items seriously, you get a free cookie from me. Viva thinking out of the box!**